It is that time again. That time where it feels like everything is changing. I feel undone, like my nerves are exposed. Change is inevitable as long as we are breathing. So why the commotion? Lately, my analytical, always planning husband has been spontaneous. Spontaneity has always been my lookout. I have noticed though that I have a tendency lately to become undone when I don’t know the plan. What is happening?
Yesterday, it all came to a head. Since our “retirement,” we have been in full-time ministry. We love it, and would not exchange what we are doing for anything – other than a directive from God. Our calendar has been pretty full. We’ve been meeting, teaching, and training people new to us, and it has been amazing. But let me tell you, if you are with your spouse whom you love more than anything, 24/7, you can definitely have some moments. You know, those moments where some little habit or behavior all of a sudden is irritating. I have come to realize that this is a symptom of a deeper situation. In our case, we are undergoing the work of the “Potter’s wheel.” The Creator has decided we need a spiritual/emotional tune-up, or maybe even makeover.
My well-grounded, well-structured husband is doing some things on “the fly.” These aren’t big things, but again, spontaneity has never been his milieu. Behaviors and situations can change ever so gradually, and my response is usually a peaceful flow that dances with the ebb and flow of what is changing. When it ceases to be that way, like on Sunday, I know “we have a problem, Houston.” So, my husband and I had one of those lively conversations where we expressed our frustration. What was revealed is that he has been feeling like God is having him say and do things out of character. When this came to light, my response was, “well why didn’t you say something?” To which he replied, “tell you what? I don’t know what to say.” Then I said, “well you just told me what I needed to know.” Honestly, I felt like I was being jerked around, and come to find out, so did he. We then cleared the air with the understanding that God is working on us; He seems to be preparing us for something that He alone knows about. It feels like a “wild goose chase.”
As all the emotions resurfaced today, I came back to my office and began praying for peace, and the words: “great is their peace” came to mind. So, I went to Psalm 119:165, and made it my prayer and thanksgiving: “There is such a great peace and well-being that comes to the lovers of your Word, and they will never be offended.” Then I thanked God for His peace, and as I repeated this psalm, peace began to wash over me. I then remembered this sage advice: “Don’t fight the enemy on his turf.” Ephesians 6 directs us to put on our armor, and then you might expect to be instructed to go to battle. But no, the Word tells us to “stand.” Which is what I did today. I took the sword of the Spirit, and stood on the promise in Psalms.
Please be encouraged today in whatever your need, there is hope in God’s Word for you. I pray His peace that transcends all understanding will overtake in the midst of your circumstance that you may obtain godly wisdom and perspective. That in all ways, you are aware of His great love for you.